I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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