The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
