i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
