Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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