One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
