remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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