the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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