Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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