The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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