Kareoke will never be a sober sport
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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