You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
