No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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