i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
