He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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