I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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