i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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