He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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