I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We just shotgunned beers for America
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
