I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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