Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
