I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
