another moral hangover. fuck.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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