omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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