he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
