if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
