You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
