Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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