My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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