My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
