apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
