you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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