Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
