I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
its not stalking. its research.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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