I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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