Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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