Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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