Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
