you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
