i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
