i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
