You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
