I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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