this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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