I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
