Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
