i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
