lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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