you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I want a musical about memes.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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