I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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