You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
