I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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