you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
