you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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