Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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