Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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