let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
