i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
